Changes in me
I have been questioning my beliefs lately. I totally believe in a God and Goddess. I am not turning Baptist or Christian or anything like that, but I feel like I am a journey of self discovery.
I know I am not Wiccan. I am a Witch, but an eclectic one. A lot of the Foo Foo, “soft” witchcraft is just not me. Its too safe and doesn’t feel completely “real”. I feel like I should be doing more. Something a little different. I just don’t know what.
I have been interested in Santeria for a while but just never had the time to research it. Now Hoo Doo has peaked my interest as well. I am feeling a need to sit down and really research more about these religions and find where I fit.
I have always either followed a book or done my own thing. But the books just seem so soft. Like doing basic magick. I have always felt I am ment for more. I astral projected as a child. I felt nature as a child. I was so in tune as a child you would have thought I was practicing for many, many years. Sadly that was lost as I grew older. As has happened to a lot of adults. Now it is so hard to find my way back. I have always wished and searched for a mentor, but have come up short. I have come across some more knowledgeable people and have briefly taken the wisdom they shared, but quickly learned they were only ment to temporarily guide me. I have moved on, past them and their knowledge. They are on a different path than I. I have also searched to where and who I am suppose to be.
I briefly found myself when I began homeschooling my boys. Then over the past few years I have discovered more about who I am. About being a better mother and wife. But my spiritual and religious journey took a back seat. Now its reared its head at me and is calling me to learn more. To find out more about myself.
One thing that I seem to always forget is that it is all up to me. No one else. No one can make this happen for me. I have to do it. I have to travel this journey. I can have help, but it is ultimately up to me. I am the one who needs to stand up and make changes.